This is me being totally imperfect.

This month has been one of the hardest month’s yet, apart from Month 1. Throughout the whole Spending Fast I’ve put a lot of pressure on myself to do great, be perfect and not mess up and to write about my successes and failures on this here blog. The blog – the accountability- has been a HUGE asset to my progress because, as I mentioned in previous posts I definitely would’ve thrown in the towel long before if I was all on my own. Because, most of the time, this Spending Fast is just, well, not fun. At. All.

Since I paid off my consumer debt last month (still unbelievable) it’s been so hard to want to save. And, I found that I actually wasn’t doing much savings as a matter of fact. Wanna know what I did? Ok. I convinced myself – totally justified this- that I need some 100% UV protection, very dark sunglasses because I’ve been having some “SUN issues” this month. Yes. It’s been ME vs. THE SUN. And, I’m losing. Big-time losing. I’ve got a new desk at work that faces West so with the white desk and direct sun the sun has basically been burning my eyes out of their sockets. I figured I needed new sunglasses to help with this problem. Plus, if I was going to be wearing sunglasses at my desk, while working, I should AT LEAST be stylish and comfortable and well, I deserve it right! I work hard! Also, we’re going to Martha’s Vineyard (to shoot a wedding) and to Montreal at the end of the month so these sunglasses were beyond needed. Ok. I just tried to justify my purchase to you. Yes, I just said what you thought I said. I bought them. Now, these weren’t cheap $4.50 Forever 21 sunglasses, oh no! I went BIG. I decided if I was gonna do this. I was gonna DO THIS.

I bought these:

$190 Ray Bans.

Yes, I am on a Spending Fast.

Yes, I justified it.

Yes, I am nuts.

Yes, my husband reminded me of this.

Yes, I wore them for 2 days and I tried to remain in my state of justification and figure out a way to NOT mention them on this blog. Because of the GUILT! OH! THE GUILT!

Yes, I returned them.

Yes, I was happy I did and happy to see that money back in my account and wow, really, what was I thinking!??

They were cute but they weren’t even THAT amazing and not even THAT dark! Which was one of my main requirements (and justifications) for these expensive new sunglasses. When I went to return them I handed them over reluctantly but in a way, enthusiastically… complex, I know. That’s just how I roll folks. And, I just said, “I can’t afford these! I need to return them.” Kind of a little of a TMI vocal vomit there. The sales lady was like, “Whatever. I don’t quite care Miss.” She didn’t actually say that but I imagined that’s what she said in her head.

SO, also, this month I went over the Niceities-for-the-Husband $35 Allowance that I gave myself by oh, let’s see, like $150 bucks. We went to dinner, ate some ice cream, ate some more dinner out, ate some more ice cream out, saw Body Worlds, went to some movies, saw more movies. Yeah, I basically went hog-wild with reckless abandon and the hub couldn’t have been more pleased to not hear about the Spending Fast every time he suggested something that we could do. I have to admit it was nice to not be so strict with myself too. July felt (and was) more of a Spending Diet then a Spending Fast. The guilt that I’ve felt about all this has been horrible. I set out to do this and look what I did. I did great for 6 months and then jacked up Month 7.

I’m thinking that I need to be a bit more gentle with myself. I should focus on how good I did in Months 1-6 and not give up AND beat myself up because of July’s craziness. Was I unconsciously celebrating my consumer debt pay-off from June? It is highly likely.

Pretty much, it comes down to the fact that the only thing I’m perfect at is being imperfect. I guess I need to realize that I need to give myself a freaking break already and realize that I can always do better the next day and that wherever I’m at with this is okay. It’s kind of a process.

It’s ok self. Breathe. Save. Don’t buy $200 sunglasses and then breathe some more. And save some more.

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