Valentine’s Day was the 1st holiday were I was expected to buy something for someone. I mentioned in this post about a certain problem I was running into with gift giving and getting expectations and about how I imposed the $3 limit to get the conversation to end.
Holidays and B-days are gonna be tough on me because I like to give gifts and I like to think of items that would mean something to the person to let them know that I really listen to what they say and care about what they will enjoy. Its really easy to be like “I want to give the person this thing so that’s what I’m gonna get them regardless if they’ll actually like it or not”. I try to avoid that though it does happen sometimes. Because, you know, sometimes you gotta risk it.
For example I noticied that the hub always stops the channel on the Little House On The Prairie show whenever it is on. He has told me that he really loves that show. And he sits there and watches it and seems to bliss-out as he happily gazes into tumble weed infested prairie land. I didn’t understand it but I was trying not to judge. “It’s a little odd but it’s just what he’s into” I thought.
Look who’s being all accepting.
So imagine my glee when around Christmas I had heard that the play Little House On The Prairie was coming to town and none other than Melissa Gilbert herself was going to be playing Ma in the musical! Also, a lady at work just so happened to be selling two tickets. “This will be a dream come true for him!” I thought. “He has hit the jackpot and will be overcome with joy! I’m going to be a hero” I thought.
Not so fast there Lady Stallion.
When the time came to surprise him with the tickets I expected (and wanted) him to be jumping with joy that he was going to get to see Melissa Gilbert live and in person- in Little House On The Prairie! Tonight! Yes! Tonight! Him and Melissa Gilbert in the same room! Look who’s a hero! Me! I’m a hero!
His response was slightly less excited then I had hoped for. He said that he better be careful what he says he likes because he might end up at a musical for it. I admit he better watch out if a musical for This Old House comes out because I would be tempted to get him tickets. It’s true. It was a semi-risky gift but that’s an element of gift-giving that one must take sometimes.
So. No more musicals for the hub. I get it.
With Valentines Day and the $3 gift giving limit I was a little stuck on what to do. I made a heart shaped sugar cookie cake for him (see it above) using ingredients (and decorations) I already had in the cupboards and wrote him an oh so heartfelt note on a card I already owned. I added the “A” for his first name to make it personalized. How special. And. That should’ve been enough but I would’ve felt like a dead-beat Valentine even though I know better- much better. Plus, I know that not even other real-life dead-beats like their fellow dead-beat Valentines.
They are THAT despised.
So, I felt like he wouldn’t/couldn’t know how much I really dug him if I didn’t spend more… it’s a jacked way of thinking I know and that’s part of my problem… part of why I spent so much before this Spending Fast started. Spending money for emotional reasons.
I told you I would tell you if I messed up on this Spending Fast thing and I have to tell you… I slipped. I had a moment of panic and confusion and impulse that I couldn’t control and I ended up buying him some very practical and admittedly unromantic though thoughtful business cards for Valentine’s Day too. They were $20 bucks with the shipping and handling and they are for his movie review site Quickie Review. Surely, there is some deep-rooted problem I have where things equate to how I show love and to how much I feel loved. I logically know that it’s not true… that things don’t equal love and I imagine this is going to be another thing I’m gonna have to face this year. How to say “I love you” and “I like you” and “I wanna be around you” to others and how do I hear it myself without a tangible item telling me it’s true?
I had been doing so good and have continued to do really good after that “slip”. I have to tell you I feel almost slimey about it. $20 in this new world where I don’t splurge on well, anything is quite a lot of money. It’s like that $20 bucks is really $200 in this new non-spending world of mine. I feel irresponsible and like I failed a little. But I’m human and it happened and I may be being really hard on myself right now so stop me at anytime. So. It happened and I told you I’d admit to it. So there you have it. And. Let’s move on shall we?
The hub took me out to dinner at my favorite restaurant and gave me a 1/2 a pound of Dunkin Donuts coffee which I have been enjoying and savoring ever since. I feel like I can really appreciate what I have now. Gifts mean more and the little luxuries I really took for granted mean a ton more.
That dinner out- Divine.
That coffee- Heaven-sent.
Turns out a little self-imposed poverty really makes me appreciate stuff. Who knew.