Meh. Bah. Gah. Hum. – Month 10 Spending Fast

the minute you think of giving up, think if the reason why you held on so long

Lately, things have been a tad rough. I paid off my consumer debt in July and also I’ve been crazy busy which is great but not helpful to being super motivated to not spend money. When I was planning my wedding I was exhausted and it became so much work even though I didn’t want it to be that way (and even though it was a relatively small event compared to most). I was planning on being this awesome laid back and oh-so-relaxed cool bride-to-be. And. Well. That didn’t really go as I had wanted/hoped/planned/expected. I was a pooped out mess.

My morning habit at the time was a very large “twice brewed” iced coffee with tons and tons of liquid sugar in it. It was approx. $2 bucks everyday and I knew it was a bad habit (in many ways) but my nerves were spent (does anyone else think about Mr. Wilson from Dennis the Menace when they hear the word “nerves”? and his “nerve medicine”?). Unfortunately, I was a maxed out crazy eyed lady. It was too much and it sucked. You cannot imagine my joy when the planning was over. It was great to get married and have that new part of my life begin, of course, but it was the relief in having the planning done that I was really glad to have over.

My friends  and family have heard me refer to that 10 months as the “Worst, Most Stressful And Horrible Ten Months Of My Life.” You may think I’m just being dramatic and I do have a flair for that but I’m telling you the truth when I tell you that was the truth. I kind of feel like that’s where I’m at now. Not in that horrible stressed out way but in the I’ve-got-so-much-going-on-and-I’m-not-good-with-stress-type-of-way. There are so many great things happening. So many exciting wonderful really-is-this-happening? type of things happening that make me excited and happy and glad to be alive and hopeful about so many things but I have to admit too that I’m a little burnt out. Well. A lot burnt out.

I find myself wanting to go back to those old habits of getting the things that will make my life easier even if it’s only a short not super long lasting easier. I find myself wanting to get that daily hopped up “twice brewed” extra large sugared up coffee if only to make me feel better for a minute or a few minutes. And, I’ve wanted to go shopping quite a bit because that always used to help me forget my problems for a few moments while I stepped in a sort of fantasy world where I could buy certain items and things would be perfect and at peace even if I was in denial about my financial reality. I’ve learned those moments of fantasy and perfection at the hands of shopping sprees and quick fixes don’t last and just like caffeine and sugar highs it leaves me feeling worse in the long run.

I’ve done pretty good with the Spending Fast despite my feelings of being overwhelmed. I haven’t slipped into my old ways like I’ve wanted to, been pulled to and have thought about. I’ve had to remind myself why I started this whole thing to begin with. I went back and read some of my old posts. I re-read my process and progress this far. Re-reading my site has helped me refresh and renew my resolve and remind me why I’m doing all this. I don’t want to give up. I just needed the reminders. I needed to remember to step back and breathe and take time for me and know that while this hasn’t been easy and while it’s been sucky and difficult at times and it’s put me in uncomfortable positions that I’m doing this to get in control of my financial life and in a way it’s really helped me get in control of my whole life in a lot of unexpected ways too.

It’s worked. It’s been working. I just need to hang in there.

P.S. Ready to get out of debt ASAP? Check out the Spending Fast Bootcamp!