As humans, we make mistakes. Sometimes these mistakes hurt the feelings of other people, or our own feelings may be hurt. A grudge may be formed when forgiveness seems unattainable, and that inability to forgive can lead to a grudge. The grudge may go on for a few weeks, or it can last for years.
Holding a grudge can have negative effects on our lives and our physical health. Learning how to let go and release any grudges you may hold is super powerful.
You may be asking yourself “and how does this relate to paying off my debt and living debt free?” Well, lemme tell you. Having a grudge costs a lot. Mainly, a lot of time and a lot of energy.
Getting out of debt is about living our best lives so we can focus on the good things in our lives. The things that truly matter, not shitty grudge-like things, you know?
Here are 10 ways to relieve a grudge and learn how to forgive others for a happier, more fulfilled life:
1. Pinpoint the Issue
Some people hold a grunge based on negative feelings without ever really identifying the core, deep-down issue. In order to find resolution to a problem, you have to first identify it. You may have to dig deep to admit the actual problem, but doing so can help you find the solution.
2. Open Up to Others
Grudges often start when the issues aren’t confronted head-on. Once you’ve pinpointed the problem, sort things out by sharing your feelings with those who are close to you before confronting the person with whom you hold a grudge. By hearing different perspectives from people you trust, you can see things more clearly to find the right resolution and start forgiving. Be careful with this one though, things could easily escalate into a gossip fest, and that serves no one.
3. Wear Their Shoes for Awhile
Many times we hurt other’s feelings unintentionally. Take some time to wear the shoes of the other person and see where they’re coming from. That may help you understand the situation more fully. Grudges often are prolonged simply because people fail to take the time to understand the struggles of others.
4. Be Willing to Forgive
Before you agree to seek resolution, you need to ask yourself if you are willing to forgive. If you are resolute in thinking you will never forgive, you may want to take more time to evaluate your feelings about the situation. You shouldn’t try to work things out when you are still too angry to think clearly.
5. Offer Opportunity without Confrontation
It may be a natural tendency to become confrontational when trying to resolve a grudge and find forgiveness, but ideally you should set the stage for a calm, cool discussion of the situation. Darting out of the gate with a loud confrontation will get you nowhere. When you agree to discuss a situation, be ready to do so with a cool head and open ears. Focus on your part, not the other persons.
6. Don’t Let History Repeat
If a positive resolution can be reached and forgiveness can happen, be sure not to let history repeat itself. Be willing to admit your role in the situation and be conscious of your own actions to ensure the same situation doesn’t keep happening over and over.
7. Accept the Unfortunate Outcome
When you have made your best efforts to end a grudge and forgive those who have hurt you, but a resolution can’t be reached, be willing to let go of the relationship. Go into the situation with an open mind, and if the outcome is not what you want, commit to accepting things for what they are rather than what you hope they would be. Sometimes we have to cut ties and establish boundaries to keep ourselves sane and healthy.
8. Find the Silver Lining
Though it may be difficult to believe in certain circumstances but every situation has a silver lining. Discovering the issues at hand can help you gain new insight into the person you are and the people you surround yourself with. Take each experience as an opportunity to grow and learn.
9. Practice Forgiveness and Compassion
There will be many times in your life when you need to forgive. For some people the act of forgiveness is difficult and saying “I’m sorry’ may seem impossible. But know that you can change your own attitude and learn how to see things from a different perspective instead of immediately getting angry. Practice forgiveness every day for yourself and others by realizing everyone makes mistakes.
10. Don’t Dwell
After a situation has been resolved – good or bad – it’s important to let it go and move forward in your life. Dwelling on issues that have been resolved can reignite negative feelings and cause additional problems. Be willing to let go of the past and work towards a more positive, more forgiving future.
What long-standing grudges (if any) exist in your life? Do you have any tips to help resolve grudges?