Real Talk – If Only Perfection Could be Bought on Amazon (Part 1)

am i perfect yet part 1 andthenwesaved

Am I Perfect Yet? The Solution Won’t be Found on Amazon – Part 1

Lately, I’ve been getting down on myself. Mainly because I’m not “perfect”. The list of things I expect myself to be able to do daily:

    • Have a spotless, sanitized, perfectly organized house
    • Have everything checked off my To Do List
    • Work out
    • Meditate
    • Play with Henry for a good part of the day
    • Teach Henry something new and stimulating each day
    • Read to Henry, a lot
    • Be patient, kind, and loving to my husband and every single friend I have
    • Write a blog post for this site, and for my photography site
    • Keep the plants alive
    • Pre-plan and eat healthy, home-cooked meals (that I spent as little as possible on, of course)
    • Read all the books on my nightstand (14 of them. omg)
    • Read all the articles I have bookmarked
    • Keep myself groomed and presentable
    • Walk or ride the bus everywhere
    • Plan ahead
    • Listen intently
    • Be thoughtful
    • Remember ALL THE THINGS
    • Respond timely to every email, comment, message, voicemail, etc.
    • Recycle
    • Go to bed early so I can get at least 8 hours of sleep

To say that I put a lot of pressure on myself would be a total understatement… I know I’m not alone with these thoughts. Recently, I started realizing all the negative things I have been telling myself. Things that I would never want any of my loved ones to think, things I wouldn’t want anyone to say to them. But here I am constantly telling myself that I’m just not good enough. That I’m not doing enough, that I’m just not doing this whole life thing the right way. Since I don’t like feeling like I’m jacking things up I, inevitably, end up looking for something to make me feel better about things; I want to find something that will help me nail life and really get a handle on everything. Maybe if I got Henry a Montessori toy thing-y that’d be good for him, or maybe if I got this sunless tanner stuff I’d be prettier. Then, cue me searching for this stuff on Amazon.

Unfortunately, nothing is ever enough, and the endless cycle continues and continues. Money gets spent and spent and spent in the constant search for the thing that will be THE ANSWER to ALL THE ISSUES EVER.

And, you know what? I know that “stuff” isn’t going to make things right. Material objects didn’t fix things in the past and they won’t today. The thing that I’m looking for isn’t something that can be bought. I won’t find it at Target. I won’t find it on Asos, Modcloth, or Amazon. No. As much as I wish it were that easy I know it’s not. I wish I could order a Make Yourself Magically Efficient and Perfect kit that would be delivered in a cardboard box directly to my doorstep in only two short days (via Amazon Prime, of course). I know it’s not that easy though. I already know what the solution is. All that negative self talk, all those terrible things I’m saying to myself… they’ve got to stop.

The Harvard Business Review reports that it takes 6 positive comments to cancel out a negative one. That means I’ve got to aggressively stop talking shit – to myself, ASAP. It won’t cost me a cent and I can start today. I knows it’s going to feel cheesy as all hell to be standing in the mirror with a big ol’ grin on my face telling myself, “You know what? You’re awesome, dangit!”

Now, I’m not going to act like the only reason I buy things is to make myself feel better about life and my difficulties because that’s not the case. I like pretty things, and I like to buy those pretty things. I know this. And that’s what’s different about today’s situation from the past when I acquired all my debt. I’m aware of my trouble areas, and I also know how hard it was to get out of debt. I never want to have to go through that again. I am fully aware of the fact that I’m a Natural Spender. That just means I have to work that much harder to curb my inherent tendencies. It does get me wondering, though… am I doomed to fall back into my old ways? Once a Spender always a Spender? Once in debt, always in debt? I hope not.

I used to beat myself up over the debt that I had, and all the bad money choices I had made until I made the simple decision to change the way I dealt with money. All it took was making that first decision to do the Spending Fast, and the weight of my past decisions was automatically lifted- because I finally saw there was a way out that could actually work. It took taking action against my debt to change the way I related to money. So, that’s the plan. That’s where I’m at today, I’m going to simply start by taking action, and see if it works in this situation too.

I’m breaking this into 2 posts so it’s not so incredibly massive. (You’ll see why when I share the 2nd part with you.) Part 2 is going to be the list of all the NEW things I’m working on telling myself to cancel out the old things. It’s gonna take some work to change those automatic thoughts but it’s way cheaper than therapy so I’m gonna give it a go. Also, after writing this post I’ve realized that I need to use the minimalist approach that I use with the items in my life, in the other areas of my life too. I’m going to shed some of my obligations by going through and simplifying my responsibilities, and I’m going to work on saying “No” to things a lot more often. I’ve got to go easier on myself by letting go of many things but I mainly have to let go of all these completely unrealistic expectations I have for myself.

More soon… xo


Clearly my expectations of myself are way too high. Tell me, do you do this to yourself too? How have you stopped or how have you started to think about yourself differently? 

P.S. If you can relate to this post you would most likely also be able to relate to this post: The Perfectionism Curse.


5 thoughts on “Real Talk – If Only Perfection Could be Bought on Amazon (Part 1)

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  1. Sarah

    Dear Anna,

    You’re a mama and a wife…those take massive amounts of energy! And you work hard on other endeavors! (Hello—didn’t you write a book?)

    I will be honest, and I hesitate to sound pushy, so take it or leave it- but it wasn’t until I had a relationship with Jesus that I was able to feel good about myself and my life. I’m not talking about church attendance, never saying “shit”, or being perfect… but having the spiritual hole in my heart filled. And being the woman I was created to be, not the crazy lady who freaks out the second someone wears their shoes on my freshly mopped floors or, even worse, sits on my bed!!
    I did a bible study called “Breaking Free”, written by Beth Moore and it literally changed my life. That was my big moment.
    So, although it’s not a once-and-done kind of thing, I find that focusing on things like the stars at night, and the wind blowing give me a sense of peace and connectedness. And from there I can be more gracious with myself.
    Dont worry…everyone is different, I’m sure lot’s of people who read your blog are envious of the work you’ve accomplished and aspects of the life you now live.
    Just from reading your blog, we know that you are …

    and creative….

    and I’ve never met you….so obviously good things are coming across, and you must be even better in person!

    PS. I’m a new mommy too, and I always feel like absolute worthless hell when i don’t sleep enough. My awesome husband comes and takes the baby from me on the weekends and lets me sleep in which is awesome! But sometimes it’s the simplest things which make the biggest difference?

  2. Leah

    Thank you for this post! I seriously have pretty much exactly the same list as you do (except for the And Then We Saved post- ha), other than the ones for Henry I think X 3 because I have three little ones. It’s so true how we are so much harder on ourselves than we are on our loved ones! Can’t wait to see part 2:)

  3. Nicole Wight

    This lifted me up today, thank you. I’m new to your site because Amazon recommended your book (ironic since my first comment here is on an Amazon post – LOL) and I’m loving your life lessons here, in your book (starting on my overstuffed closet today – baby steps), and your minimalist ebook. I had no idea there was so much encouragement and good thinking available on the Internet. So, weirdly, thank you Anna, and thanks to you too, Amazon.


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